


Awake My Soul

by starswholisten



Series: Nessian Babies [3]
Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: All of the good Nessian fic tags, Blood, Cassian is never okay, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Injury, Nesta gives birth, Sass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 19:04:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8113930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starswholisten/pseuds/starswholisten
Summary: “She wouldn’t move without you. She went into labor about five minutes ago. I’ve called ahead to the healer and she’ll be here soon, but in the meantime, can you please get your mate into bed?"Cassian shot his gaze down to Nesta, who finally managed to stand all the way up as she reached for him. “I’m seriously going to set you on fire for this,” she said through gritted teeth.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nessian_is_fire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nessian_is_fire/gifts).



> _Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all._

Cassian breathed a sigh of relief as he walked out of the small market on the outskirts of Velaris. The sun was already setting and he’d been gone far longer than he expected to be, looking for one damned store that sold cucumbers. They weren’t in season, and they were harder to find than he thought. He’d finally found one about ten minutes ago, and he held the paper bag in his hand with great care, for if he dropped this, he wasn’t going back.

Cucumber sandwiches. Cassian had no idea why, but Nesta had been craving cucumber damned sandwiches for days now. Was that even a real sandwich? Cassian was entirely certain she had made it up. When he told her as much, she’d nearly set flames under his ass trying to defend it, but to him it just didn’t seem like it fell under the category of a sandwich. Maybe it was a human thing. But when she begged him to make her one this morning, he couldn’t refuse her pleading eyes.

She was nine months along now, and the baby would be here any day, so Cassian was practically waiting on her hand and foot. Not that he minded - he essentially enforced it, pleading with her to rest, to stay in bed, to let him wait on her like a queen. At first she was annoyed at her dwindling independence, but she quickly assumed her throne on the living room couch in their townhouse, their dog Ember always perched at her right side.

Cassian had left her in that exact spot before noon today, when Feyre arrived to keep Nesta company. He’d reached out to her along the bond a few times over the course of the afternoon - to check in, to update on his progress, to simply feel her presence - and she’d sent back exasperated and sarcastic remarks in response. He expected no less of a reaction to his coddling, but he’d hardly left her for this long the entire pregnancy.

He sent a pulse of victory down the mating bond to let her know he had completed his quest almost at the exact moment she pushed against his mental shields. _Cass?_ She said in a distant voice, and edge to it that made Cassian pause. _Are you almost home?_

He was not a daemati like his mate, but he sent a wave of reassurance down the bond in response. He felt her tense on the other side, and he started walking faster, eventually spreading his wings and flying the short distance back to the townhouse.

By the time he landed on the front step, the tension in the bond was nearly restricting his breathing, and he barged through the door, throwing the bag of cucumbers on a side table. Ember bounded up to him and began to nudge his leg, but he swept the dog aside and rounded the corner into the kitchen, where he sensed his mate would be.

And indeed, Nesta sat at the dining room table, hunched over in pain, with Feyre behind her rubbing her back. Both women looked up as he arrived, and the relief on Nesta’s face almost made him fall over. Yet the tension was still there.

“What’s wrong?” Cassian blurted, looking to Feyre.

Feyre rolled her eyes and urged Nesta to get up from her seat. “She wouldn’t move without you. She went into labor about five minutes ago. I’ve called ahead to the healer and she’ll be here soon, but in the meantime, can you please get your mate into bed?"

Cassian shot his gaze down to Nesta, who finally managed to stand all the way up as she reached for him. “I’m seriously going to set you on fire for this,” she said through gritted teeth, albeit half-heartedly, as Cassian gently picked her up. “Gods, the Cauldron was less painful than this."

“Save the fire for later,” he said, smiling down at her and carrying her to the stairs.

“Okay, but I’m prepared to squeeze your hand until it breaks."

“Deal."

Feyre and Ember stayed downstairs to greet the healer as Cassian carefully laid Nesta down in their bed. She groaned as a wave of pain hit her and Cassian could feel the bond tighten with every contraction. It was incredibly distressing, but he knew she was in much more pain, so he didn’t dare voice his discomfort.

“What do you need, sweetheart?” Cassian asked her gently, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear and adjusting her pillow behind her.

“Stop fussing,” she snapped, “and just hold my damn hand. It feels better when you’re touching me."

Cassian swallowed the sarcastic sexual remark he wanted to say, knowing she wouldn’t appreciate it right now, and laced his fingers with hers. Her face immediately softened, though he felt her pain more prominently. “Are you sure this is better?"

“Yes. Please don’t let go,” she said quickly, adjusting against the pillow and relaxing into his touch.

“I think some of your pain is transferring down the bond to me,” he told her as he realized what the feeling was. “We’re sharing the pain."

“Good,” Nesta sighed, gripping his hand tighter. “Glad the mating bond realizes the importance of gender equality."

Cassian laughed and squeezed her hand back. “I’d take all your pain if I could, sweetheart."

She smiled and he leaned over to kiss her forehead gently. A moment later, Feyre opened the door downstairs and the healer came in, quickly making her way up the stairs to their bedroom.

Feyre sat down on the other side of Nesta’s bed, holding Ember in her lap, as the healer performed a few simple tests to make sure the labor was proceeding naturally. Cassian thanked the Mother that the healer was female, because even now he tensed every time she touched his pregnant mate. He damned his instincts and took a few deep breaths, but it was going to be a long, long evening for everyone involved.

“Everything looks okay for now,” the healer chirped, and Cassian was certain that her cheerful voice would irritate Nesta to no end. “Once we’re a little farther along, I’ll be able to sense the baby a little better and I’ll give you an idea of how long this might take."

“Thank you,” Feyre said, getting up. “Nesta, do you want me to get Elain, or-"

Nesta started shaking her head violently as another contraction hit her, and squeezed Cassian’s hand. “No, I just need Cass. I’ll let you know if I need anything else.” Nesta tapped her head, indicating exactly how she’d contact Feyre if she needed to. Feyre just smiled and left, taking Ember with her to her own townhouse, leaving Nesta, Cassian, and the healer alone.

The next couple of hours were a blur. Cassian was going mad with the sight of his mate in pain, embarrassed at how many times he unintentionally growled at the healer. He never let go of Nesta’s hand, not once, until he completely lost feeling in it and asked to switch hands.

Nesta’s attitude went downhill very quickly. His mate did well enough with pain, but this was a whole new kind of pain for her. She threw every curse imaginable at Cassian, cursing him for doing this to her, cursing him for not being a woman, cursing him for having the audacity to tell her she would make it through this. The insults, Cassian could tell, made the healer incredibly uncomfortable, but he smiled through them all. This was his fiery Nesta and he expected no less, so he just pushed her hair out of her face and rubbed her arm and told her that he loved her.

“Cass,” Nesta said after a particularly painful contraction. “Can you put your hand here for a second?” She indicated a spot on her lower abdomen, and he placed his free hand there.

“Hm,” was all she said, and then she winced.

“What is it?” Cassian urged. “Is something bothering you?"

The healer looked up from the tonic she was concocting and walked over to the bed as Nesta spoke. “I keep getting this sharp, stabbing pain here. It seems unrelated to the contraction.” She covered Cassian’s hand with her own and moved it away so the healer could place her own hand there. The healer closed her eyes, using her magic to see inside of Nesta to indicate the source of the problem.

After many long seconds during which Cassian realized he had been holding his breath, the healer removed her hand and looked at both of them. Cassian tensed.

“It seems,” she said in a gentle voice, “that the talon of the baby’s wing is puncturing you. It could be nothing, but I am going to monitor him very closely."

“He has wings?” Nesta said at the same time Cassian said, “He’s a boy?"

Cassian and Nesta looked at each other, and the love in her eyes almost knocked him over. He was certain his face looked the same. He lifted their joined hands to his mouth and kissed the back of hers.

“Our little Illyrian warrior is already fighting,” Nesta said with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. She was afraid, Cassian realized, and he squeezed her hand as he turned to the healer.

“Will this affect the birth at all?” Cassian asked tentatively, sensing the smallest bit of unease on the healer’s face.

“It’s possible. The talon could cause Nesta significant internal bleeding. The birth process could injure the wing.” Cassian closed his eyes at the anxious and sympathetic look his mate threw at him. The healer continued, "Her magic should be sufficient to self-heal her, but we won’t be able to see the full extent of the damage until after his birth.”

Nesta winced again as the stabbing pain hit her and Cassian opened his eyes, searching her face for any sign of excess strain. She dipped her head back against the headboard briefly, eyes closed, and grunted before turning back to look at him. “I’m going to tell Feyre to come back, and Mor. Just in case.” Cassian nodded his agreement, knowing that both women had exceptional healing powers. Better to be safe than sorry.

Another hour passed, and her pain became worse. Cassian wanted to slaughter the gods themselves for putting his mate in this state. His entire body ached with anxiety and it was incredibly hard to put on a front of strength to put Nesta at ease. He knew it was futile, though; she could, of course, feel every strong emotion he was throwing down the mating bond.

Feyre and Mor arrived, opting to stay downstairs and out of the way until they were needed. Mor tried to get Cassian to eat something, saying he looked a little peaky, but she left the room quickly when he began to growl at her. The healer also called for two of her colleagues, and when they finally arrived, Nesta was in so much constant pain that Cassian almost wished everyone would just leave the damn bedroom so he could take care of her. He felt helpless - even the transfer of pain down the bond had stopped making a difference.

“The baby is about an hour or so from birth,” one of the new healers said when Nesta could finally open her eyes for a moment. “So we’re going to set you up here,” she said, adjusting the pillows to allow Nesta to sit up straight. Suddenly, Nesta let out a scream and yanked her hand away from Cassian. He immediately stood, unsure what to do with himself as Nesta curled up into a tight ball and rolled to the side. That’s when he saw the blood.

“She’s bleeding,” Cassian snapped, grabbing the hand that Nesta was holding out for him once again. “Why is she bleeding?"

“The wing is causing greater distress than we expected,” the other new healer said evenly. “We will have to start the birthing process now."

“More than you expected? Why didn’t you expect this? My mate is bleeding and you can’t do a damn thing?” Cassian was yelling, and Nesta squeezed his hand as another wave of pain hit her. “You’re a healer!"

“We are doing something, Cassian,” the first healer tried to assure him. “I’m going to have to ask you to move so I can-"

“NO!” Nesta shouted suddenly, whipping her head to the healers. Her face was covered in sweat, and she was paler than he’d ever seen her. “No. Don’t you dare tell him to move. I need him."

Cassian knelt back down beside her and wiped a tear from her eye, and without looking at the healers, said, “I’m staying right here with my mate. You can do this, sweetheart. You’ll be okay. He’ll be okay."

Nesta nodded as she sat up, the healers swarming her like flies and adjusting her sitting position, moving the blankets away, and clearing away the significant amount of blood on the bed with a snap of their fingers. Nesta just looked at Cassian, drawing strength from his eyes on hers. She already looked so, so tired and Cassian just wanted to tuck her into him and let her sleep, wrapped in his wings and his arms, until she was physically ready to do this.

“You can do this,” he said again. “I love you."

“I love you too."

The next half-hour was a nightmare. The healers urged Nesta to push, and every time she tried, she would shriek with pain at the wing catching and ripping the flesh on the inside of her uterus. Her tears flowed freely, and Cassian kissed away as many as he could without getting in the way. Nesta actually managed to pop one of Cassian’s fingers out of the socket, but he hardly felt it, absent-mindedly switching hands as a healer bandaged him quickly. With every push, more blood flowed onto the bed, but the healers assured them that she would be okay, that the baby would be okay. The only worry was the wing.

“I see the head,” a healer said after a while, and she smiled. “Already has hair."

“What color,” Nesta panted, unable to open her eyes through this wave of pain. Cassian wiped her golden brown hair out of her face as he waited for the answer.

“Dark. He’s got his father’s hair, for sure."

Nesta smiled - actually smiled - and Cassian’s heart leapt with relief at the show of emotion on his mate’s face. “Good,” she whispered. Suddenly, her smile began to shrink from her face, and her head dipped toward Cassian.

“Nesta?” Cassian started, gently lifting her chin with two fingers. She was barely conscious. “Nesta!"

“Mmm,” she groaned. “I’m so dizzy."

One of the healers was there in a second, placing a hand on her head. “She’s losing too much blood,” the healer said urgently. “We need to get this baby out now."

Cassian’s heart pounded in his chest and his own blood screamed at him to do something, do anything for his mate. _Danger, danger, danger,_ his heart seemed to say with each beat. “Nesta, stay awake for a few more minutes. He’s almost here. You’re almost done.” He punctuated each sentence with a kiss on her forehead, and she managed to open her eyes. The blue in them was dull and exhausted.

“Stay with me, Cass,” she whispered as she started to push again. He helped her through it, sending strength and determination down their bond, and moments later...

When the healer lifted up the baby, their baby, their _son_ , there were no words to describe how he felt. His first thought was that he was perfect. He was so small, and as he opened his eyes and began to cry, Cassian almost cried himself when he saw that his son had Nesta’s blue eyes. And the wings...

They were tucked tightly to the baby’s body, but one was slightly bent and covered in blood, the talon significantly smaller and sharper than the other. The damage to the wing was significant, and his heart broke. He looked to Nesta for strength, still grasping her hand, only to find her passed out in the sheets. A healer immediately went to work on her, magically stemming the flow of blood that soaked the bed beneath her.

Cassian’s mind went blank as the other the healers, nodding to him, carried the baby into the adjoining room they had set up for the post-birth check ups. His mate was not in good shape. Neither was his son. He had no idea what to do with himself as he started to panic.

“I-“ he started to say, standing up, when the healer held a hand to stop him.

“The wing looks bad,” the healer said, “but it is fixable. Easily. Stay with your mate, Cassian. The other healers won’t let you in while they perform their first tests, anyway.” She smiled at him and Cassian sat back down, resting his head against his mate’s wrist just to hear her steady pulse in his ears.

Cassian didn’t know how much time had passed, but the healer had eventually gone to retrieve Feyre and Mor, who both came in and immediately rested their hands on Nesta, healing power shining at full force. Neither said anything to him, and he realized they must have thought he was also asleep, still as he was with his head down.

When they left, he lifted his head to look at Nesta. She was still out cold, her face ghostly pale, but her chest rose and fell evenly. He just looked at her, willing her to wake up, willing her to be okay, _please_ let her be okay.

“Cassian?"

A healer was at the door, a light smile on her face. “Would you like to meet your son?"

Cassian nodded.

When the healer put his son in his arms, it was like the world falling into place. He slept peacefully, his bandaged wings wrapped to him carefully with a green blanket. Cassian cradled the baby in his arms and took in the pointed ears and blue eyes from Nesta and the dark hair and wings from him, and a tear slid down his face. He was _perfect_. He came into this world like a warrior, with an explosive fiery entrance, and he should have expected no less from the product of him and Nesta.

“Cass…"

Cassian’s head snapped to his mate and his heart fell right into place as he saw her eyes open. “Thank the Mother,” he swore under his breath and he smiled, turning toward her as she sat up slightly. “Sweetheart, meet our son."

Nesta’s face was unreadable but filled with emotion as Cassian laid the boy in her arms. She looked down at him as she adjusted her arms around him to cradle his dark head, and then she just stared. Cassian pushed hair behind her pointed ear as he also stared at their son, and he only realized she was crying when one of his fingers accidentally brushed her cheek. He looked to her, concerned, and almost collapsed at the smile on her face and the tears in her eyes. He watched as Nesta brought the child closer to her face and as she kissed him gently on the head. “Hey there, little warrior,” she said, her voice lighter than he’d ever heard it before. “You’ll fit right in to this family, won’t you?” She looked up at Cassian then, and he leaned in to kiss her, both of their tears wet on each other’s faces. Nesta tilted her head to the empty space beside her on the bed, and Cassian climbed in with her, putting an arm around her shoulders.

“He’s perfect, Cass,” Nesta whispered, leaning into his shoulder as he kissed her head and rested his chin in her hair. “He looks just like you."

“Are you calling me perfect?"

Nesta nudged him with her elbow but didn’t take her eyes off of their son. “Are you okay?” Cassian asked, snaking his hand to settle over the one she had on the baby’s head.

“I know I should be in a lot of pain but I literally cannot feel it right now,” Nesta replied. “But I’m going to probably be really mad at you later. Be warned,” she finished, throwing a devilish smile his way.

“You won’t be when I finally make you that cucumber sandwich,” he said against her hair.

Nesta laughed lightly. “That’s not even a real sandwich. I just needed a moment to myself with all your coddling."

Cassian wrapped his arms around her, around the baby, around his own little family. A family he never imagined having, especially not with a mate whose own fire matched his own. “What are we going to name him?” he asked.

“Something Illyrian.” It wasn’t a question.

He chuckled. “I know just the name,” he reached over and took the boy from his mate, holding him close as Nesta snuggled into him. “Our little fire. Aidan."

“Aidan,” Nesta mulled over the name, tasting it. “It’s perfect."

“You’re perfect, sweetheart.” He kissed her and she rested her head on his shoulder, sleep taking her in a few moments.

Cassian rested his head on Nesta’s and looked down at Aidan sleeping in his arms. He knew in that moment, holding his mate and their son, that no matter how hard this would be, he wouldn’t trade this family for all the world. With Nesta, and for Aidan, he would conquer it all.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This one's for Maggie, of course.  
> Aidan is Celtic for "little fire".  
> Song title is from the Mumford & Sons song of the same name.


End file.
